I will not do unmentionable things to my stuffies when we have company. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. The bin man is NOT stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the muddy rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. I will also stop throwing up behind doors. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. Cat litter is not food. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the garden or park after processing. The nappy bucket is not my cookie jar. I will not wake Mum up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am haemorrhaging. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. Neither do we have a police car, a lion or Alan Carr. I will not steal my Mum's underwear and dance all over the garden with it. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mum & Dad's laps. My head does not belong in the fridge. Or the dishwasher. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mum's driver's license and car registration. Stealing Ex-Lax from the medicine cabinet is not big and it's not clever.
Things you humans would do well to remember........
If you bought it, it's mine. If I like it, it's mine. If I saw it first, it's mine. If you put it down, it's mine. If I can take it from you, it's mine Whether you gave it to me or not, it's mine. If it looks like mine, it's mine. If it's edible, it's mine. If I can reach it, it's mine. If it's in my mouth, it's mine. If it doesn't fit in my mouth, i'll chew at it till it fits, then it's mine. If I chew it up, all the pieces are mine. If I get bored of it, it's yours....but if I want it back, it's mine.
4 sniffy tailwags:
Very fetching. You could start a new trend!
hahahahah so cuuuute!
i LOVE warm, fuzzy hats!
Very nice hat! I gotta try that too!
Wags,
Cocoa and Barley
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