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Leave your pawprints!
Showing posts with label facewarp. Show all posts
Showing posts with label facewarp. Show all posts
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
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The Introductions.....
Things House Beagles Must Try To Remember....
I will not do unmentionable things to my stuffies when we have company.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
The bin man is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the muddy rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. I will also stop throwing up behind doors.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
Cat litter is not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the garden or park after processing.
The nappy bucket is not my cookie jar.
I will not wake Mum up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am haemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. Neither do we have a police car, a lion or Alan Carr.
I will not steal my Mum's underwear and dance all over the garden with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mum & Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the fridge. Or the dishwasher.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mum's driver's license and car registration.
Stealing Ex-Lax from the medicine cabinet is not big and it's not clever.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
The bin man is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the muddy rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. I will also stop throwing up behind doors.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
Cat litter is not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the garden or park after processing.
The nappy bucket is not my cookie jar.
I will not wake Mum up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am haemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. Neither do we have a police car, a lion or Alan Carr.
I will not steal my Mum's underwear and dance all over the garden with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mum & Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the fridge. Or the dishwasher.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mum's driver's license and car registration.
Stealing Ex-Lax from the medicine cabinet is not big and it's not clever.
Things you humans would do well to remember........
If you bought it, it's mine.
If I like it, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If you put it down, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine
Whether you gave it to me or not, it's mine.
If it looks like mine, it's mine.
If it's edible, it's mine.
If I can reach it, it's mine.
If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
If it doesn't fit in my mouth, i'll chew at it till it fits, then it's mine.
If I chew it up, all the pieces are mine.
If I get bored of it, it's yours....but if I want it back, it's mine.
If I like it, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If you put it down, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine
Whether you gave it to me or not, it's mine.
If it looks like mine, it's mine.
If it's edible, it's mine.
If I can reach it, it's mine.
If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
If it doesn't fit in my mouth, i'll chew at it till it fits, then it's mine.
If I chew it up, all the pieces are mine.
If I get bored of it, it's yours....but if I want it back, it's mine.
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